CHRISTIAN SERVITUDE

Essay 3

CHRISTIAN SERVITUDE

During 60 years of Christian worship I passed through many tests of faith and disappointment. Thankfully my faith survived in spite of this.

My Traditional Christian upbringing may be typical of my age and class. I joined because this was the church of my parents and most of my community.
Much of the worship had little relevance to the busy life outside. However I did have real underlying faith, which I had acquired at home. I believed that this was how God should be worshiped.
I recount some of my disappointments.

THE CHURCH OF HABIT
In the society in which I grew up, the Anglican church had a pre-eminent role. Some believed, and attended services. Others found it a suitable venue for celebrating social occasions, Christenings, weddings, funerals and perhaps celebrating Christmas.
The authority of clergy was accepted. Their teachings were the introduction to Christianity for most young people.

THE CHURCH IN SCHOOL
At boarding school we had to attend two services every Sunday. I understand that attendance is still compulsory at many schools.
The services were repetitive and based on the Book of Common Prayer which, I understand, has been revised several times from the original, written in the seventeenth century.
As far as I can remember the lessons from the Bible at each service were repeated each year according to the church calendar.
Most of the prayers were simply the same read out week after week. They were repeated parrot fashion by the congregation.
I now question the value of these routines. For instance, Creed which we all recited “I believe in God the Father Almighty and in all things visible and invisible”. I am not sure what these visible and invisible things even are, and what relevance they have to our daily lives? I also question whether repeating this and other recitations parrot fashion every week serves any purpose.

The Nicene Creed Is typical of the outdated rituals which are
part of that Christian worship. It was written in the fourth century as the statement of beliefs when Christian communities were unified as the Church of Rome.

Happily I had faith from home to remain a Christian. Most of my colleges did not , the fault lies with poor teaching.
The Lord’s Prayer and the sacrament of Communion are the only two parts of these services directly attributable to Jesus’ teaching. The rest of the service was devised and added by churchmen over time.

The message of these services was that we were unworthy sinners. We used to recite “we have not done those things we ought to have done and we have done those things we ought not to have done and there is no health in us”. This seems to be unnecessary humility. We are human and of course we fail. Our Creator knows that and he promised forgiveness for the past and help for the future.
I now doubt the value of these habitual rituals, but for too long I accepted that this was how to worship God.
I was taught of an omnipotent God who, on the day of reckoning, would judge each soul with a sort of ledger. Sins and good deeds would be weighed and balanced and our souls would be judged. This is a pre-Christian doctrine which should have been superseded by Jesus’ Message.
Conclusion Many Christians acquired their early beliefs in these large authoritarian churches because this was the way to go. Participation was out of habit or compulsion and not choice and conviction.

CONFIRMATION
Confirmation ought to be a serious step in church life. Candidates are instructed in the church’s beliefs and practices. They are then accepted as full members at a special confirmation ceremony.
On my arrival at senior school I found that it was expected that I be confirmed. I did not feel ready and waited a few years. I had a firm faith and I did take it seriously.
The main emphasis seemed to be on Old Testament values of good and evil and that we were sinful and unworthy.
As far as I can remember there was little emphasis on the message of love and forgiveness at that time. Forgiveness was promised to those who repented. Also the Holy Spirit was part of the Trinity but I got no message of intervention in the lives of ordinary individuals who had faith.

Most of the class had little conviction and merely wanted to show that, by being confirmed, they had now grown up and were part of adult society. I took it seriously and was disillusioned.
This was a real test of my faith. At the age of fifteen one accepts authority and I believed that this was how God must be worshipped.
After confirmation I complained to a priest that it seemed to have been a meaningless charade to many of the boys. He assured me that the laying on of hands, dating back to the disciples, would confer a spiritual power on them. He believed this. I do not.

At a time when a boy is facing sex for the first time the only comment in this confirmation course was “you all know what is right and wrong “. The belief seemed to be that sex was evil and sinful. I therefore believed that when I succumbed to the temptation of self abuse I was evil and inadequate. This sapped my self respect for many years.
This was 60 years ago, perhaps religious instruction has improved since then.

Conclusion Confirmation is a vital step in the Anglican church. Young people should be taught the essential beliefs of Christianity. The ceremony confirms their faith, made on their behalf, at their Baptism. I was shocked at superficial and meaningless it al was in this case.

A CALL
Several years later I had a call to become a priest. I went to England with the aim of studying theology. I had introductions to several senior churchmen. I was appalled at their arrogant indifference. In answer to a question about a problem which I thought the church could be more helpful to its members I was told “Ah! but we mustn’t make it too easy for them”.
I returned home disillusioned.
Sadly I continued to attend this church for too many years. Perhaps because I still had faith and I thought that this was how God should be worshipped.


Conclusion Our goal should be to live our lives according to God’s Messages in the Gospels. If contemporary churches do not help their members to achieve these goals they are failing in their duty.
As an ordinary, and hopefully honest, Christian, I should not have been misled for so long that this is how Christ should be worshipped.

CONCLUSION
My most valuable lessons in this worship were that I did learn God’s simple messages to mankind, through all Jesus’ parables in the Gospels.
I also retained the Faith which I acquired at home. I still had an unquestioning sense of right and wrong and morality. This was a sound basis for my life.
Worship in church left me with a negative belief in a harsh authoritarian Trinity, accessible through adulation in church and mainly concerned with transgressions of us humble sinners.
The ritual and repetitive worship had little relevance to my busy daily life when I left church. It contrasted with all my other activities were dynamic and responded rapidly to changes in the needs of participants.
I missed the positive message of gentle loving and forgiving God who cares for every individual. The availability of the Holy Spirit to intervene in our individual daily lives did not come through either.
My disappointment is that, having spent so much if my life in the established church, I missed so much teaching to help me in Christian living. This journey of church worship had too many manmade distractions from Christ’s Messages. I fear that other regular worshippers may be missing out because they believe that this is how to worship Christ.